Something I got from a friend.

To me the most precious moment of the day

has always been the second 

you open your eyes in the morning.

No matter how heavy-hearted or tired you feel

you can always imagine that anything can happen

during the day.

And even if you know that usually nothing does happen,

that doesn't bother you.

There's always the possibility.

 

Little Miss Tucket sat on a bucket
Eating some peaches and cream
Then came a grasshopper
And tried to stop her
But she said
"Go away or I'll scream!"

Exit Strategy.

I found this Finnish girls' blog and dear deities, she sounds exactly like me. Her thoughts are just like mine regarding school and other people, their opinions that don't matter worth of shit and tattoos and piercings too.... She's like... 5 years younger than me but I'm thinking she's just mature for her age and I'm not childish for mine ;D ah, I wish I'd be that kind of a person who just goes up to people and bam! insta-friends.... No, I stalk in all quietness XD sad..

Got some bad and then not that bad news regarding the Japan-trip. Lovely Lis won't be in the country until the 20th of July so instead of the 13th we we're supposed to go to her place, will be staying at Yadoya until the 20th..  but from that we'll stay at her place until we're leaving on the 9th of August, yay! And I mailed at Yadoya that if it's possible, can we get the room we already reserved for the whole two week and they said yes, so that's settled then as well... It'll cost us double the money we initially counted but it's not like we can get Lis back from Sweden any sooner, she's got a job and her boss isn't letting her go earlier :< stupid adults.... (harh harh... I'll always be a kid at heart!).

Also, we don't really have any real plans for the trip, we're going to see Schwarz Stein's One Day Reunion Concert "Resurrence of Hallucination" in Takadanobaba AREA on the 31st of July, but other than that not much has been planned..  It's not like we have any extra money so there has been some talking that we'd go visit Chiba's IKEA with Lis XDD hey, there has been many blogposts and tweets about guys making group-trips to the Holy Land of Cheap Furniture from the Great North...... so why not? No souvenirs from there though ;P


What else? Went to check out the Victory party at Kauppatori on Monday, if you didn't know, Finland won Sweden at the IIHF World Championship Finals last Sunday (we won for the 2nd time ever and the last time was 16 years ago, so about frikkin time yeah?) and there was a massive welcoming party for the team when they came back to Finland! 100,000 people gathered there.... no wonder I wanted to get the fuck out of there the minute we got in *sigh* 

I have like 150 pics from there myself but I'm too lazy to do anything to them right now (and I don't have my trusty old fiddle around with your pictures-program on this laptop) so there's a pic I snatched from Iltasanomat so you can get an idea how much is 100,000 people in the center of Helsinki... Quite a lot eh? I just don't understand that they had shitty "artists" like fucking Petri Nygård "performing" there.... Uh, who ever said performing means that you can shout VITTU to a lot of peple and make "a song" about how drunk a person can get? And to do that in front of kids and the whole world... yeah, great going Finland, way to make me proud to be a part of this glorious nation.


Vanessa and Hanna are coming to our place on Friday, D's gig is on Sunday, can't wait but should really practise Night Ship "D"-flagdancethingy..... no motivation but I sure as hell am not standing there like a dimwit mothe.... you know... and since we actually have the flags it'd be neat to actually be able to do the routine XD I just wish we'd get numbers for the signing session... *fingers crossed*


Signing out and getting back to reading Exit Strategy (a fic with pirates, a monkeyboy and kinda whole lot of BL..... what, I'm bored and at the moment Noora isn't watching reruns of OZ with me... so there!!)

PS: I fucking hate that I'm so pissed off all the time.

Guess what.

[EDIT: Sorry for the language.]

What did I write on my last post? Let's see "I don't know, is it even wise to actually think that we're gonna get the key back? I dunno... " That's right, the bitch still isn't giving us our key back! I can't believe how fucking low can a person sink before they themselves realize how stupid and childish they really are............

Apparently the only way to get the fucking thing back is to actually CALL HER MOM and fucking apologize for not kicking her car. I can't believe that  I still have to suck up to that bitch so that her weak (nonexistent?) selfesteem can get a small boost.

Guess what? I don't even fucking flinch that I have to make the call, I know I'm better than her and I'll never sink to the pit she has dug for herself. I'll be on the ledge laughing at her vain attempts to get out of the depths while she's clawing at the crumpling walls begging for help. And I wont be alone, all the people she has fucked over will be there with me.

And that's how the cookie crumbles.

Eat shit.

Hello and goodbye.

[EDIT: Sorry for the language.]

So, we broke up with a friend who got us to move to Espoo years ago. S has always been a little... loopy, from the very start we've been friends, if someone disagrees with her or anything like that, it automatically isn't her fault, it's always the other person who is wrong.

It all started when we asked her if she could go take a look at our cats while we were at our hometown in Kokkola for Easter and she got mad and told us that "Yes yes, I'll go!" and when we came back she hadn't been at our place but when Noora told her that we were kind of mad that she'd left the cats (if it would've been plants or something, but living things like cats, you just can't leave them like that you know) she got so mad it's not even funny. Yelling at us that we don't care for her, that she didn't have any money to go check on them (if she'd just said that I'd understand but I just assumed that she'd go since she promised), that we only use her and want her to be forever alone etc etc. (Last year we didn't speak to eachother for over 8 months. She didn't like one of our other friend and when I confronted her about it and asked the reason, she broke all contact and we only heard from her when she came back from her trip to Japan and Korea. She needed some help with a languagecourse registration and we helped her with that. She never talked about that 8 months and acted like it never happened, which is just weird but we kinda let it go.....)

And now she was at this point again, I'm not going to even try after I get the key from her, it's not worth it since I never know what mood she is on when we see her or anything.She can be her sorry self and I'll be the one better off. She'll continue to do this to her friends (we've seen it twice in the 5 years we've know her so it'll happen again, I promise.) and end up alone.

But everyone who knows her knows that she can be so mean to her friends that it is not normal. There are other people she has "thrown away" before us and I'm so sorry that she treated them like the way she did, they didn't deserve that! It is just what she does, and when she doesn't want to deal with something, she just doesn't answer mails, calls, anything, and apparently just blocks people on FB etc. as well *sigh*

I feel sad for us, all of us have not done anything to deserve this from her, but I feel sad for her too since if she continues to treat her friends like this, she truly will be alone in the end.

From the Friday morning.

We went to get our stuff (my phone, our hairstraightener, our parents' camera which she loaned and broke 2 years ago and hasn't given back OR tried to get it fixed... and our apartments 3rd key, we need it back since if we ever get to move from this hellhole we're totally not going to pay to get the locks changed when she has the key but she just refuses to give it back... I know, WTF?) for a couple of times, every time she said that she wasn't home (which was a lie since we could hear her coughing, making food etc.) and when she finally said that yeah, she'll be home on Friday morning at 8AM and we could get our stuff back we of course took that chance.

So we go to her place and hear her doind some breakfast or something and ring up, everything goes quiet and a minute later she texts Noora that she's not home, but will be in 10 minutes. We were kinda laughing that she'll go out the back and comes to give our stuff like she'd never been home..... But no. At ten past 8 HER MOM COMES!! (Apparently she had been so scared of us that she needed her mom.... I have never ever done anything violent to anyone in my life and I have no idea what was going through her mind that she thought like that or if she was just lying.... )We fucking hate that woman. She has never said anything nice to us in her life, when we first met her at S's and W's wedding back in whenever, she didn't introduce herself to us and when we said who we were she was kinda like... "Yeah, I've heard about you from S......" and gave us a withering look. I don't know what S has ever told her mom about us but apparently nothing too good..... I don't know, the woman is the devil in flesh I tell you! Total whitetrashwinomutherfu.... you get the point? So she's her sunnysunny self, saying shit like "Oh I'm so sorry that I'm a bit late." Like WTF, you're not supposed to even be here! She goes in to S's apartment, we hear some suffling and whispering and she comes out with a small plastic bag with out stuff in it. I'm too mad at this point to even look at her and Noora takes the bag, looks inside and sais that there's not all of the stuff S was supposed to give us, her mom is like "Yeah? What's missing?" Umm... half of it? I'm at this point practically running outside 'cos I swear to you that I woud have kicked that womans teeth in to her throat.... She pretends to be leaving and we make our way out of her sight so we can see what exactly is in the bag. The straightener, some burnt CDs I don't give a flying fuck about and my phone. That's it. We specifically said to her that she NEEDS to give back the camera or money to compensate. And no key. Noora texted her that either she'd bring out the rest of the stuff right away or that she'd be welcome to bring them to our place later that day. She didn't answer but a couple of minutes later she and her mom come in a car and we pull them over to have a few words. S is looking like a kicked dog, literally. She's one of the most annoying people, always doing what she wants, saying what she wants, when she wants. And now she looked like we were already beaten her up and ready for more blood or something. She couldn't even utter a word, all the talking was from her moms side. WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED YOUR MOM TO DEAL WITH YOUR OWN DOINGS WHEN YOU'RE TWENTYFUCKINGSEVEN YEARS OLD?!! Her mom was like, why do we talk about our mom (I said something like that S can call my mom and they can negotiate what to do with the camera if she doesn't give it back now), I tried to explain that it's our parents' camera and the bitch is like, yeah she can call me then. Uhm, excuse me what? Why does she have to call you if it isn't any of your goddamned business? Did you borrow the camera, break it and never did anything to fix it? Uh, no?! That's what I said to her and she mumbles something and speeds off. Noora slammed the hood of the car while they drove off but they just left. Like that.

So we leave, I call Miia and pour my heart out, in tears since the situation was so fucking absurd and frustrating and I've never ever been that ANGRY in my life. This from girl I thought to be one of my best friend for 5 years and this is how we get treated? Like in a fucking bad day time soap opera shit. I called my mom as well, she was trying to calm me down and said that we'd talk about it once they got to our place (they were coming over for the weekend) and I hang up. Minutes later Miia calls me that did I know that S's mom was talking with ours on the phone atm. No, I didn't, 'cos she surely didn't know our moms phonenumber or anything. But yeah, turns out they googled her or something and S's mom had called from a restricted number and had only told her that "Here's S's mom" like.... have you got no manners? Properly fucking introduce yourself if you're calling for a person you've never met for the first time. Idiot.

I'm too fucking tired of this shit to write anything about it anymore, rest o the story goes like they kinda try to patch things up (our mum kinda uhms and yes' and S's mom is like "Yay, victory for us".. dumb bitch.) and they made a deal that we don't have to compensate that we kicked (?!!) her car and S sends us our key and we're through. I'm fucking pissed that mom gave up and let the camera go, it is not fucking fair that it's always the people who didn't do anything wrong giving up and letting the bad guys win.

The funny thing? We still haven't gotten the key back (a week later)... I'm so over and done with this that I have no energy to even think about those idiots anymore and they still make me beg for the key. Adults my ass. I don't know, is it even wise to actually think that we're gonna get the key back? I dunno... *sigh*

From our balcony after we got home that morning. See, sun is still shining and the world is going about.

She cheated her husband with at least one guy while we were her friends. The guy is from Japan and she hasn't told him that she's married or anything. She always talked shit about him to us, he sent her CDs, Hello Kitty-stuff, everything she implied she wanted and she treated him like shit. He fucking started to learn Finnish for her and all she had to say about that was that she was pissed that we he wrote in Finnish he didn't use ä's but a's...... I found out that she also blocked him on FB when he said something back at her and he hasn't heard from her since. Way to go heartless bastard.... The silver-linign for his whole ordeal is that we're still friends with that guy (he said that he wanted us to be friends still, it wasn't like we did anything wrong) and we're going to meet him and go out to drink once we get to Japan in July! One side of me wants to tell him everything S did and said about him while "they were together" (he thinks they had a long distance relationship.... more like long distance betrayal and exploitationship... sorry to say ._.) but on the other hand he's such a nice guy that I wouldn't want to hurt him more..... But doesn't he deserve to know, he's kinda blaming all of it to himself even though it's S who is mentally unstable. I dunno, is it my point to tell...? I don't think I have the heart.

Anyways, now that I got this off of from my heart I can finally go to sleep. Sorry for the long rant if anyone even reads this ;D

*

I made a new layout featuring a cute painting of jellyfishes. You like? I like that it's so colorful even though I'm such a gloomy person.

Stakeout

Definition from Wikipedia:

A stakeout is the coordinated hidden surveillance of a location or person for the purpose of gathering evidence, especially in regard to criminal activity. The term derives from the practice by surveyors of using stakes to measure out an area before the main building project is commenced.

The Laughing Heart

The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski


your life is your life

don't let it be clubbed into dank submission.

be on the watch.

there are ways out.

there is a light somewhere.

it may not be much light but

it beats the darkness.

be on the watch.

the gods will offer you chances.

know them.

take them.

you can't beat death but

you can beat death in life, sometimes.

and the more often you learn to do it,

the more light there will be.

your life is your life.

know it while you have it.

you are marvelous

the gods wait to delight

in you.

Fuck You

So she posted a link to Lily Allen. Yeah, I get your point but also thanks for reminding me of this song, how perfect the lyrics are for you and me.

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
Then look a bit harder
'Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired
Of all the hatred you harbor

So you say it's not okay to be gay
Well, I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get, do you get a little kick
Out of being small minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval you're after
Well, that's not how you find it

Do you, do you really enjoy
Living a life that's so hateful?
'Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
You're losing control a bit
And it's really distasteful

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you

You say you think we need to go to war
Well, you're already in one
'Cause it's people like you that need to get slew
No one wants your opinion

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

------

5月4日ハピバー☆ひろポン

メランコリック~♬

Feeling kinda melancholic and shit, it'll pass but I'd just like to get some closure with S and all... I (we) haven't deserved being treated like this, time and time again. Just get off of your high horse already and start acting like the 27 year old woman you supposedly are.

Been looking for a dress for the July wedding since obviously S isn't making me anything anymore (though I had my doubts earlier, I believe when I see, let's put it like that.....). Frustrating to say the least. As of it's given that since I'm *whisper*fat*whisper* I only want fugly dresses in black, purple or with some hideous pattern and as baggy as possible... Or that I want to pay three times the normal price. Well fuck you world. Fuck. You.

Gotta dye Nooras hair today (she'll do mine ofc) so we'll be ready for Estonia come Saturday♪and it's nice to get to hang out with mom and dad as well, it's been a long time since they've been here and Miia hasn't.



It was the 13th anniversary of hides death yesterday. Thought about a lot of related things but it's not my place to say anything so I'll leave it at that. Hope you're happier up there with the rest of the amazing people. Save me a seat.

Also on a..."happier" note. The US military finally found Osama Bin Laden. And killed him at sight. Great job, as expected of the amazing US of motherfucking A! Shouldn't have been surprised but still, does it make them any different? Does this make any DIFFERENCE? Yeah, I don't think so either. You just invent another reason for some other war or conflict and innocent people will still die every day for a cause nobody knows, it's just the way the cookie crumbles.

☆★☆★☆

Something that's been bothering me lately.

Sometimes, people like to say that things shouldn't have happened.
That's a rather silly thing to say.
It's acceptable to say that by all probability, something shouldn't have happened.
That means something else entirely.
But if something happens, obviously, it was supposed to happen.

insect.

I can't open myself up to anyone I can't believe in anyone at all
and I can't see anything the light that shines is disappearing, soon it will be gone
unable to open myself up this is my weakness, my past
I can get what I want, yet if I do, the kindness I'm holding onto will slip away
the typical answer is when you die, you'll be reborn, come back again

my heart is shuttered, soon it will break apart
stifling my tears, I laugh day after day
my heart has shown me that believing is nothing
those hypocrites killed me

my heart is shuttered, soon it will crumble away
stifling my tears, I scream day after day
my heart has left me with a belief in strength
my own heart killed me