YEAR END MEME 2011

This image has been stuck in my head since I took it (last day in Japan).

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

Went to Moscow and Tokyo.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t think had any.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not relatives, but Isshi passed away and I count him as a close one.

5. What countries did you visit?

Russia, Estonia and Japan.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

More money, some thinking from my friends (maybe from me too but…), one thing is a secret or now but that, a new apartment, one more secret.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Every gig in Finland (Mucc, Girugämesh, D etc.) 

11.3. The Great Tohoku Earthquake & Tsunami

2.7. my sisters’s wedding

6.7. arriving to Japan

15.7. Daisuke Memorial Live at Shinkiba Studio Coast

31.7. Schwarz Stein Revival Live at Takadanobaba AREA

23.8. Dir en grey

22.12. Secret.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Japan. Getting rid of Sanna at last, but I dunno if I should give “the credits” to her for that…..

9. What was your biggest failure?

School. Should have saved some more money as well.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Mental exhaustion.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

The Japan trip, my Hannya-mask and Onni-statue for Miia and Jarno. Microwave oven for parents.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

No ones.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Sanna didn’t come as a surprise to be honest, but Lis is still a complete mystery for me. There was no warning from her and we didn’t deserve that.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Daily stuff like food etc., also Japan as a whole.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Haha, Japan XD Daisukes Memorial Live and SS revival. JaME article about Dir en grey-fans I took part in (here in Finnish)

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Sousou at Daisukes Memorial. Dir en greys whole DUM SPIRO SPERO album but also Zakuro.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

- happier or sadder? mostly sadder but I have a secret that is making me SO happy!!

- richer or poorer? poorer even though I didn’t have money last year either XD

- thinner or fatter? fuller ;D

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

School, stuff in Japan.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Reminiscence. Give a fuck.

20. How did you spend the holidays?

With family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?

No.

22. How many one-night stands?

None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

American Horror Story by far.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

YES.

25. What was the best book you read?

Pedon syleily.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?

Hesher was amazing, also enjoyed Eagle and tons of others!

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Casual Maria  XD (aka Jeans, t-shirts, harempants, cardigans, religious necklaces and white Converses.)

28 Whom did you miss?

My family.

29. Who was the best new person you met?

The guy at Daisukes Memorial!! Also Rintaro was a funny dude.

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

Don’t trust people, but don’t become too cynical.

Marked.

Update.

So, answered all the Diru-questions for JaME and it's only Tuesday!! Go me!
Of course I used them as my todays writing at 750words, take a look at the some of the stats for the writing:

Haha, of course I'm happy writing about something I love and since Diru are my religion (well, kinda :D) the other pie looks nice as well.

It's Independence Day in Finland, Happy 94th Birthday dear Suomi!! I'm going to go bake some cinnamon buns now, so adieu¯!!

End Bullying. Telling My Story.

I saw this video on YouTube by a boy named Jonah. I'm sure some of you have already seen it (it was also posted by Lady Gaga on her Twitter last night so.... ), but I'll just put it up here as well. Watch it for me okay?

It hit home really hard, the boy is just what, 14 years old? He's going to 8th grade so out of all of his 8 years in school he's been bullied for 7, can you imagine that? To be bullied for the whole time you've ever been in real social contact with other people your age.. being fucking scared to goo to school because you know what's it going to be like again that day. I can. I was bullied from the first years of elementary school to maybe... 9th or 10th grade. I don't know if it was because I'm a twin (also my sister got bullied beside me) and people thought we could handle that or something, was it because I've always been kinda chubby, friends with the boys (because the bullying was done by girls, which I guess usually is the case with girls?) or maybe just my personality or something I've never even considered.

I had friends, mostly the boys since one of the popular boys was our parents' friends' kid and lived practically next to us and with him came all the other"cool" boys. My bullies were mostly girls from other classes, the popular, cute and friendly ones... yeah right. There were also a coupe of girls year older than me who I really didn't even know when they started the name-calling and pushing and shoving in the hallways, one girl in my class was a friend of the worst girl, I still don't know if she had anything to do with it or was I just an easy target or something. I was quite a social girl back then though, I knew most of my schoolmates and because me and my sis were the only twins in our school (not really a big school, 3 classes per each grade and 6 grades plus "the special" and "the troubled" kids' classes, so that makes something like... 20? And it was still the time when there actually weren't THAT many students in one class, maybe 20-25 so you can do the math, not that big of a school really) practically everyone knew us as well. I know some of the girls didn't have that good family-conditions but to this day I still don't care... If you have a though time at home still do not see the point of you coming to school and bully kids smaller/weaker/more vulnerable/whatever than you just because you're feeling like shit. It's really not the bullys fault that their parents fight or are divorced or whatever, but I don't get how it evolves to the point of constant bullying of a person you don't even know, to the point that the person doesn't want to go to school anymore, feels like shit all the time, can't trust people to be what they say, belittles themselves all the time or in worst cases wants to kill him or herself.

I don't believe that teachers or parents don't see the bullying going on,especially the teachers. My sister read a Fuck My Life to me recently "Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML" WHAT?!! How can he, as a teacher, be like this? How can he be all serious and nod his head in approvement while talking about the matter, show a video of the subject that touches SO MANY of his students and then say shit like this when actually confronted by a kid who probably had a hell of a time coming up to him and tell him about this? How can people be so hypocrite? In my opinion teachers should be at the forefront of this issue. They are there the whole day and I just can't accept that they wouldn't see the bullying going on. There is always someone there, it's just up to them if they do something about it or not. How hard can it be to contact the bullies' parents and tell them what their precious child is doing to other kids at school? Is it because they're afraid of the parents' reaction? Suck it up. You're supposed to be there for your students, how can you just sit there, drink you coffee and gossip with other teachers when one of the kids left to your responsibility is getting stuck in to a corner and called names, getting their stuff thrown around the schoolyard in the rain, getting their heart stepped on over and over again. How does it feel to you when you read from the next days newspaper that the said kid got home after a hellish day in your care and hung herself to a tree near her home so that her own father could find her hanging in there after hours of frantic searching? Do you still not care?

I had the same friends for the first maybe 8 years of my school life, give or take a few. I was "best friends" with this one girl from the 3rd grade to the 8th or 9th (God, today it seems like such a short time.....) and I really considered her as the best friend in my life. The fact is that she talked shit behind my back almost the whole time, she told our other friends that she thought I was the ugliest and fattest bitch she'd ever met, that I should just become a lesbian with my twinsis (as in together.... yeah, incest much?) and she was sure I wanted to steal her boyfriend at the 7th grade (the fact that we knew the boy before her, introduced them and that I, in all honesty, just really liked him AS A FRIEND, didn't mean a dick to her). As a matter of fact,my first boyfriend was the pretty popular boy I'm still friends with :) I remember it was me and my twinsis' 11th birthday and we has a small party and we were playing spin-the-bottle and I had to answer a question "Who do you like?" and I told them that it was him. (Which was pretty brave from me since he was sitting right across me!) But to my surprise he confessed that actually, he liked me too! So as mature 11 year olds we "started dating" which lasted a w hole two weeks XD Then that BFF of mine asked one day if I still liked him, which I didn't anymore (....;D) so she volunteered to go to his house and break up with him for me and I agreed, so she went to his house and came back like 10 minutes after and told me that the deed was done, AND! That now they were going out. Talk about a backstabbing bitch! Also she would be saying to me that she was sick, we couldn't hang out, but in reality she was with our other friends, they went swimming or to the movies and I was excluded from that.

At 7th grade (at this point I hung out with all the same people than at the previous grades except my BFF who went to another school) this girl I always went to school with just one day didn't show up at the end of the road where we met every morning. I went to school by myself and discovered that the whole group of girls just basically acted like I wasn't there anymore. I,to this day,don't know what happened. It went on for a month maybe and then one day magic happened and they could see and talk to me again! I got bullied verbally a lot during junior high (grades from 7th to 9th in Finland), by the same year-older-girls from my elementary school. Also the girls in my class were now friends with the older girls so it went on all day, everywhere. I didn't eat at the school cafeteria for the whole period, well, maybe two times. I still  hate eating somewhere surrounded by people. This time I practically knew it was because I remained friends with the cool and popular boys,m,a fat ugly girl, got to hang with the lovelies? Of course I understand it was hard for the girls *bitter laugh* The guys most probably never thought me as a girl, I was just one of the guys, which was fine for me. The guys also probably don't know, but without their friendship I most likely wouldn't have gone through all the bullshit I went through with them. So I would like to thank them for being there for me. You don't know what you meant for me.

I never thought about killing myself, I don't know if I was too naïve to really think about it or maybe my case wasn't so bad, maybe the fact that I had friends and my two lovely sisters and my parents there for me, and I don't approve the decision to end it all by dying, I think it's selfish and gives the people who bullied you too much power, but I do see why it seems as the only option to some kids.

Years after I last saw one of my bullies from elementary school I one day got a text message. It was from one of the worst girls back then. She apologized for bullying me... now I'm sure it was good for her, but to me, coming so late, it really meant nothing. I once read that a teacher of a2nd graders gave her class white sheets of printing paper and told them to crumble then as hard as they could. After the whole class had done so, she told them to open up the balls and try to smooth it back to crisp, wrinkless sheets. The kids tried but eventually someone said that it was impossible, that the papers wouldn't be neat and smooth again. Thats when the teacher told them that the papers represented all the kids who got bullied, even though the kids tried their hardest the papers would be forever wrinkled. I thought tat it was a really good way of explaining what bullying does to a person. I just hope there would be more teachers, adults, people, like her instead of the uncaring excuse of a teacher in the FML.

I think that this paper-method, along with the video Jonah made, would be very helpful in explaining the effects of bullying to a lot of children. I just don't know if the adults are ready to do something about "such a trivial matter". Its "only school" it'll "be over in a few years". Right?

It's the little things in life~

 

BGM Bruno Mars [The Lazy Song]

I felt kinda lazy and didn't feel like contributing today, so I just copy+pasted an old entry from here, can you guess which by the 'most used words'...

*bitter laugh*

About reading.

I used to read a lot. Actually, I used to read,write and draw, a lot, all the time.

I remember when I was in elementary school our school was adjacent to this small shopping mall which has a couple of grocery stores, a couple of pubs, a kiosk, a pharmacy, hairdresser and the most awesome thing for me, the library.
I used to go there at least once a day with my sister. We'd go straight from school, get like a meter high stack of books (mostly horse-related but spiced with some good old classic like the Swedish author Astrid Lindgren, or something like ten Nancy Drews at a time :D) then we'd walk back home (we lived less than a kilometer away and in Finland kids usually don't go to school by bus if it's like.... more than 10 kilometers away XD and also we we're so small that our school had a rule that kids under the age of 10 couldn't come to school by bike either since it came with a greater risk than walking I guess...) with these huge backbags stuffed with books and school supplies, mostly books though! We would walk side by side with our noses in the books, we were pretty good at walking and reading at the same time too!! I guess it would've been a sight to see, twins walking back from school with the over-sized backbags pushing our shoulders down and we'd just keep reading and walking XD

Our library had THE BEST librarians ever! Before we got our own cards we had to use our dads and I still remember when he one day told us that it was time that we'd get our own cards and how excited I was. We live in a two-storied house (well, our parents live, still in the same house) and I remember me and my sister sitting at the bottom of the stairs filling out the forms for the library cards with our dad. I was so proud at the time, I felt like a big girl XD So after that we pretty much spent most of our time either at the library, coming or going that way, or reading books we got from there. The best librarian was this blond, kind of intimidating-looking woman named Lea, she had this peroxide blond bob-cut hair and at least inch long, devil-red nails! I used to marvel how she could type with them so effortlessly, I couldn't understand how they could be so long, of course now I know they weren't her own nail, but as a little girl it was amazing! I loved how they all knew our names and greeted us when we went to return some books and get at least the same amount with us when leaving, I felt special.

When we got older we wandered to the other side of the library (it was not big, Kokkola is a small town and we lived in the suburb called Koivuhaka which is even smaller, it's actually a wonder they still have that library in there...) which had the sections for books for young adults, adults, travel and art section, art stuff and, one of my favorites, the fantasy section and then there were all the cool and creepy stuff about aliens and things like the Bermuda Triangle, World Wars, all things related to the supernatural and of course, serial killers, they were my favorites.

I've always been a little fidgety with the dark. I used to demand that we'd have a nightlight on at nights, I still haven't watched 'Children of the Corn' or 'Blair Witch Project' again! I was deadly afraid of the Groke from The Moomins at one point, but nevertheless I HAD to read all the "based on true happenings" ghost stories (Amityville Horror, the lady in the stairs, The Hitchhiker, things like that), I wouldn't really dare to sleep the next night but at least I can honestly say I've read almost every book on those sections!! I was so interested in the paranormal that I swear my mom thought I was a bit crazy at some point XD
I've also read my VERY fair share of 90's fantasy novels. I was actually contemplating of buying the whole Death Gate-series from eBay a couple  of weeks ago. It was my ultimate favorite with The Wheel of Time and The Farseer Trilogy. I had this phase for about... 4 years maybe, that I only read fantasy. Everything and anything I got in my hands was as good as read in my books, sorry for the pun ;) One thing that is funny though is that I only read 'The Lord of The Rings' after I saw the first part of the movie...  I don't know how I managed to avoid it until then. It's still not even nearly the best fantasy book I've read though.

Of course I read everything horror and thriller as well, I've read almost everything Stephen King has ever written and one of the most memorable books I've read a s a child was one he wrote under his alias Richard Bachman, I can't remember the name of the book, but it was about a man who ran over a gypsy girl with his friends and the girls' grandma cursed them and karma gave them what they deserved. I was so into that book that I must've read it like three times in a row, no kidding!

Nowadays I don't even actually have a library card for the libraries around here. I sometimes just want to go and get one and just DIVE in to the books that I haven't even heard off! I buy some books (mostly online and in English since they're way cheaper than the ones translated to Finnish and I really enjoy reading them at the language they're written, well mostly...) but I really miss engorging myself in reading. Maybe I should make a New Years promise to go and get myself a library card?! Or as I'm partaking in the December challenge here my award could be that I get to have the card or if I fail  which I wont!) my punishment would be that I have to go get one... how's that?

Oh yeah.

I do realize that I haven't written anything about Japan, but the thing is that Lis turned out to be a crazy, lying bitch (to be frank) and I still get all angry; my lips get twisted and my hands start shaking when I think about her so... maybe I'll write about her some day, maybe not.

750words and some Diru.

So I started to write at 750words.com and since todays writing actually makes sense, I'll put it up here as well.
Maybe I'd get the hang of writing here since the point of the site is that I have to write 750 words every single day.
Now I've only done that two days but I have a good feeling about it!
The first entry was just a rant about my current stalemate of a life so it's not worth anyones reading time, but this is actually something I've wanted to write about earlier as well so here goes!

(I deleted some irrelevant crap from the beginning btw. This should be something like maybe 1000 words. Ah, also I don't really know how the folks at JaME would think about me writing the questions etc. here but based on the busy traffic at this blog.........)


I signed up with JaME to be part of their Dir en grey-panel (I'll go get the questions from  my mail so I'm sure this site counts that as 'being distracted* ._____.
Shit, weren't in the mail that was open so surely I'm screwed now!
Found them!

So they start of with some pretty basic stuff with "Who are you and where do you come from? What's your story as a Dir en grey-listener?" so that's relatively easy, as is the next one "Why Dir en grey? What makes this band special?" Requires a little longer explanation but it's doable, right?

But then it starts getting more serious, since I have to really start answering like the 25 year old I am opposed to some 15 year old fan girl (which I am not..... yeah XD). "The style of Dir en grey (both musically and visually) has changed a lot over the years. What is your favorite album from the band? What are your general thoughts about the newer production of Dir en grey?" I somehow feel like I should, by default, say that "Oh my gawd! Like, I totally prefer their Garden-look to this hideous 'jeans and a band t-shirt and no make up"-look, just because we're talking about the VK scene here... Problem is that even though they have the masks (..........) nowadays I still don't consider them visual kei anymore, they don't want to be considered as that so why should we, the fans, label them as VK then? But if I say that my favorite album of them is Dum Spiro Spero I'm seen as a fake wannabe even though I've already told them I've been a fan since 2004.... Hard decisions!

Moving on. "Dir en grey recently started a project called SCREAM FOR THE TRUTH where they accuse the Japanese government of lying about the effects and the knowledge they have of the Fukushima nuclear plant catastrophe. Do you think it's okay for a rock band to use their position to take such a strong stand on social issues or should the music be separated from the politics?" So here we go with the thing that I might actually get some people pissed with.... The thing that I think it's kind of ridiculous of Diru to start the whole site. I get that they want people to know they really don't trust their government anymore after all that has happened and come to the publics knowledge (and the things that haven't!) but I think they're doing it wrong. I don't see the whole point of them opening up the site, post the open letter they already posted on their own official site, Facebook, End Records and where ever else, and almost nothing else EXCEPT all of their information about themselves, their history, discography, all of their contact sites and such. I only see it as a advertisement thing, people hear about "this out there Japanese rock band who opposes to their own government and they're kinda in a pickle for that"... I don't see the point of their whole self marketing on the site since it's supposed to be anti-government and not a Dir en grey-shop you know? Ah, I really need to think how to paraphrase that part.

"Dir en grey have visited Europe many times. Have you had the chance to see them live? If yes, did it match your expectations or did it disappoint you?" An easy one in the middle! "Have you ever written fan mail for anyone in the band? If not, would you like to and what would you say?" I've only actually written two fan letters in my life, one to kagerou and one to D'espairsRay back in 2005 and I really can't remember what I wrote in them XD I have no idea what I would write to Diru though.... I'm not really opposed to fan letters but I also just really don't think the band reads them that much, at least not anymore. I don't feel like wasting my time pouring my heart out to Kaoru since I have no proof that he'd ever read that.

"Does Dir en grey mean something more to you, or are they just a band you listen to? Have they taught you new things in life or have they affected your life in some way?" Again, one where I feel like I should have something awesome to say since I'm so old XD I somehow hate all the people who always say that a certain band saved their life etc. I don't see that, I really don't get how a band can change your focus from killing yourself to just enjoying life again or something. I don't mean to sound awful or disheartening to anyone, if this band helped you through ruff times, good for you, but I just don't get how JUST the band can do that. If you're really standing on that bridge, ready to jump, do you really think about Dir en grey at that situation? Of course they have changed my life, but so has the fact that my big sister and her fiancé got a dog 3 years ago (not in the same way but.... yeah, I see problems coming ahead with this question as well *sigh*).

If you'd get the chance to meet one of the band members, who would it be and what would you say?" I'd want to meet Kaoru, but I'd want to speak Japanese or that he'd speak English and I'd just randomly want to meet him in the bar or something, not in a paid meet-and-greet with 59 other fans and the band being tired from touring and just wishing to be sleeping backstage before the show. Also I don't know what I'd say, congratulate him from being the almighty leader-sama of such a fucking excellent band? What can you say to Kaoru?

"If you could travel back in time,which year in Dir en grey's history would you travel? Why and what would you do?" HARD ONE! Don't want to think about it now.

And the hardest is the last one, I'm terrified of this!! "Lastly, what song would you recommend to a person who hasn't listened to Dir en grey?" Uhh, excuse me what?! This depends on so many things. What kind of music does the person listen to, do I want them to like the new, old or the middle Dir en grey? Do I want them to like or hate them? Do I want that person "in my fandom" that is.... Do they know what VK or jrock is? How do they feel about it and small things like those.

Thank heavens I have a week to finish this!!